Dodger Blues

The conventional wisdom winging around cyberspace seems to be split into two camps. One side is convinced that extending Sabean means Bonds will be shown the door after the season. Others argue that Bonds will be back next year because Sabean represents a stay the course strategy. While I possess some conventional wisdom (I picked up some very helpful hints at the last convention in Orlando) I have no theory to offer. I am only truly confident in postulating that whatever the Giants do or don't do will both confuse and vex me. I know that building a World Series winner is more art than science. Fine. Get to painting!!!!

Losing is bad enough. Losing to the Dog Poopies is like chewing on tinfoil. Can there ever be anything honest and beautiful in this world when Jeff Kent and Brett Tomko get to enjoy even a moment of pleasure?

Few things in life will ever be more important than Morris pitching a 2 hit shutout on national TV today. The difference between a shutout or giving up 6 runs in the first inning can not be understated. Pitch that gem and the Giants might be able to trade him for a marginal, though still breathing ball player. If Morris gets rocked Plan M comes into play. We really don't want to see Plan M implemented.

What do the Runes Tell Us?

Returning from their extended vacation, the Giants start the second half on Friday the 13th. Has there ever been a more apt omen of pain and misery than that? Fortunately for the superstitious players, there is no inconvenient winning streak forcing them to wear the same socks until the they lose a game. In fact, Magowan is already complaining about the massive sock budget. These dudes have to change socks almost every day.

After consulting the Shaman we keep on retainer here, we are seeing signs that the Giants will indeed play more games. That appears to be almost certain. The Shaman is waffling on the winning part. While he is supremely confident the world will end on February 8, 2047 and that Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump will secretly marry next month, he just won't commit to any Giants win. I am not at all sure why I keep this clown on the payroll. The Giants will win a game sometime in the second half. I sense it. I sense that I will soon be partying in the Rio with Salma Hayek too. One of these visions has to be true doesn't it?

Here's to rubbing that lucky rabbit's foot.*

In other news, Bochy just announced that he will be resting the vets tonight because the grueling 4 day break has just wiped these guys out. Can you imagine the strain these players endure from just lugging their wallet around? When you couple that with slow room service and particularly energetic strippers it's a wonder sometimes these athletes can perform at all.

* Of course, luck is relative. Next time you see a three legged rabbit ask him how his luck has been lately.

Get Back to Play!!

Did I mention that I hate off days? I guess, on some sort of primal level, I understand the hurdles in traveling clear across the country and still squeezing in a twi-night double header are daunting at best. Still, these guys are paid well and they get really good looking chicks. I say playing everyday is not nearly as taxing as sneaking around with strippers. The problem for me is the gravy train around here doesn't stop because these pansies need 3 or 4 days off. My staff doesn't come cheap, you know. It also interferes with my pursuit of strippers to sneak around with to have to come up with make do work for the help. The lack of new things to whine about while the Giants extend their R&R compels me to rehash the ongoing non- story of the week; The Sabean Saga.

Two questions appear to be at the core of the matter. Why does Magowan want Sabean to stay and, more perplexing, why does Sabean want to stay? It could be that the reports of the Giants offering an extension are bogus. It could be...

All right then, sir, what else is happening? It looks like Ichiro is re-upping with the Mariners. Scratch him off the list. Torii Hunter dissed Corporate Naming Rights Park the other day. Put him into the "I like the school system in every city other than San Francisco excuse" category. Free agent hitters haven't demonstrated a strong desire to come to the land of 410 foot fly ball outs lately so restocking the easy way with strapping young sluggers (and their corresponding stripper gaggle) is probably a sweet but ultimately crushing dream. I am getting a strong Mike Cameron vibe and that is never healthy. I am somewhat assuaged by the fact that Mike is still only in his middle 30's so the inevitable multi year Cameron contract is probably 5 years away. I could be killed in a tragic kiln accident by then.

Did I mention that I hate off days?

Mr. Mays

The Giants don't do much winning lately but they do ceremony better than anyone else. The tribute to Willie Mays was fabulous. There certainly wasn't a dry eye around these here parts. Willie became my one enduring sports idol when I was 7 or 8 and to this day remains a direct connection to heaven between my dad and me. My old man taught me many things and learning about Willie was one of the important lessons. That I still get a thrill whenever I see Willie is a sweet testimony to baseball, fathers and sons and Mr. Mays himself. Well done.

Now from the sublime to the ridiculous, the current state of the Giants. What to do. While my heart says sell, sell, sell, my head says listen to your pancreas. That organ offers a reasonable argument for making some trades but not necessarily for minor leaguers. I am not sure I want to see a bunch of non shavers out there on the field next year. I clearly don't want a bunch of aging dollar vacuums either. Ideally, the Giants should have a better mix of fresh faced kids, reliable players in the middle of their career and some crafty older vets. Lavishing a 100 million clams on some guy who is already in his 30's does not seem like the best of ideas. Spreading that dough around to some younger and hungrier vets in their mid to late 20's makes more sense to me. Easier said than done, though.

And who will be the puppet master? Reports this morning indicate that Sabean might be back after all. Those voices that TV reporter back east was hearing may have been drunk. At any rate I suggest close police scrutiny on this journalist. What are those voices going to instruct him to do next?

The Sabean Watch

I have had my people contacting other people who might know people who could be Sabean's people and all these people are saying something. I don't know what they are saying but I am certain it is pertinent to the issue at hand. Is Sabean cleaning out his locker today? Some obscure TV reporter in some obscure town on the East Coast claims he is hearing that Sabean will be severely axed over the All Star break. The dude apparently has extraordinary ears.

If Sabean is indeed the proverbial toasted pastry can Lou Seal be far behind? Mags is surely not going to limit his scapegoating and insistence upon underlings falling on sacrificial scimitars to just the GM is he? When the purge comes it will be bloody and frightening. Mike Murphy will probably get a sweet golden parachute but almost everyone else will be scorched, baby. Greg Papa is a steady journeyman. He will land softly somewhere. I worry about Bip Roberts.

Speaking of Lou Seal, Fuego has been absolutely tearing it up in Fresno. Where he used to struggle with the rubbing the bald guy's head gag, he has worked on that shtick religiously. It's now a strength. If he can get some sort of handle on high fiving third base coaches he could help the big club right now. No doubt Fuego is jonesing about the Sabean regime coming to an end..He didn't put in all this time in the bush leagues just to sit behind Lou for two or three seasons before he gets the opportunity to do the tee shirt toss everyday. Fuego is hungry...

Monday, Monday

I find that I am not at all interested in the All Star Game. It's a meaningless snooze under the best of circumstances. If the Giants had more than one participant I might work up enough enthusiasm to bust away from stripping the deck to watch an inning or two. Then again, probably not.

I loved the original Home Run Derby TV show they had in the 60's. Of course, I was 9 years old at the time. This lash up they run now is as stale and uninteresting as the parade of pastels and clever little wines up in the corporate boxes. Let's add some spice. The contestants not only have to hit a home run but they have to go into the stands and fight the memorabilia dealers for the ball. If they hit one into the cove, they should have to swim out and fetch the ball then jump on a unicycle and pedal around the park. They could seed the water with sharks for an extra challenge.

I wonder if they will pad the ball dude roster with all stars as well. They could bring in movie stars who have portrayed baseball players. Kevin Costner must have 30 baseball movies under his belt. He could be one. John Goodman did the worst imitation of a ball player since Anthony Perkins. That should be enough to nab a spot on the little stool. Robert Redford is over a 100 years old. He seems ideal. Tony Danza!!!

I caught about 30 seconds of the Futures Game and saw Brian Bocock actually draw a walk. In all the excitement he must have forgotten that he is a Giants farm hand.

What are the chances Seligula will crash the Jay-Z party? Bud seems terminally stiff but maybe that's just his public persona. A couple of belts and he could be dancing on the bar in his tighty whites. You never know.

Checking In

So....Just got back from driving with the lovely Mrs. Swing and two of the junior Swings clean up to South Dakota. We made the Jackson Hole to Reno run yesterday which featured the blazing desert fire march along almost the entire I-80 corridor of Nevada. Through the smoke and dust and 50 mph winds I finally was able to tune into the Giants game just outside Lovelock. The first thing I heard was Ray Durham grounding into a double play and I knew I was home.

I just perused the World Wide Web and I see that Freddy is back, Nate is gone and there appears to be any number of new middle relievers. I also see the assorted changes have not moved the Giants out of last place. I don't seem to have missed many wins.

I guess I will have to gather up the staff and begin anew with the thorough and important research we do around here. No more sucking up the easy money on the DL. Time to go to work, work, work. Well, maybe after the All Star Break.